Budjette Tan e-mailed me this story he wrote for Emily Abrera, the chairman emeritus of their ad agency. I'm sure anyone who's working or ever worked in an advertising agency will get a kick out of this...

PROJ: LEGEND

The scene opens in the creatives‚ brainstorm room.

It is 2:43 in the morning. The art director and the copywriter have gotten all too familiar with the four corners of that little room.

The copywriter pushes aside the empty boxes of pizza and finds the creative brief.

He reads the advertising objective: TO INSPIRE NATIONALISM IN THE FILIPINO PEOPLE.

Desired consumer response: I AM PROUD TO BE PINOY.

The copywriter takes a long, slow drag from his cigarette and finally says: EH KUNG GUMAWA TAYO NG SUPER HERO?

The art director wakes up. A super hero? A SUPER HERO!!!

They begin to sketch and doodle.

Our hero should be gwaping, should look very Pinoy... not tisoy. Yeah! Kayummangi! But with a nice nose, grew up in the province, schooled in the city, his parents were farmers... who were killed by rebels... And then he saves an old man... An old woman... A diwata! Who gives him an anting anting ... A sword... A gun ... Bullet proof bracelets... He can fly... He's invulnerable.... He's as strong as a hundred men... And we shall call him...

Ummm
Ummm
Ummm

At which point the creative director stumbles in and asks what they have.

They tell her everything up until the part of the UMMM, UMMM, UMMM

So what's his name? Asks the CD.

How about CAPTAIN ALAMAT?! Says the copywriter

The CD shakes her head. No... How about KAPITAN ALAMAT! That's Kapitan with a K!

I like it! says the art director.

The copywriter grumbles and lights another cigarette.

So, they present their idea to client, the powers that be, they who really run the country.

Client buys into the idea: to fund the creation and launch of the Philippines first full-fledged super-hero, but...

But they have a limited budget, says the AE. They can only afford to give him flight, strength, and invulnerability. If we give him heat vision or any other sort of vision we‚ll have to make him 50% invulnerable. And he can only be as strong as a 7.5 men.

How can he be 50% invulnerable? Asks the CD. Oh ok... no super vision.

The AE turns to the art director and says, And client wants to have the color green on the costume.

Green?! Asks the AD.

To symbolize nature. Answers the AE.

AD: His main color motif is red! If you make his cape green he'll look like a Christmas mantle.

AE: But client is a big nature lover. He wants green.

Ok, says the art director. Maybe the trimmings of the cape can be green.

And so they cast for their hero and organize his activation... HIS BIG LAUNCH!

Agency arranges for a major mall to be held hostage by terrorists during a midnight sale and that's where the hero makes his debut!

KAPITAN ALAMAT defeats the terrorists! And he's a big hit!

They hold a press con where KAPITAN ALAMAT will say his tagline-- his call to action for the Filipino people.

In the control booth, the copywriter awaits for the hero to say his copy. It‚s only three words long but said the right way it will be as powerful and popular as the tagline JUST DO IT.

So the hero goes up to the mike and says... words that are nowhere near what the copywriter wrote.

The copywriter almost chokes on his cigarette. What happened to my words! My precious words!

The AE looks up from the Contact Report and says, Um, client had it changed at the last minute. You were out for a smoke, so I wrote it. hehhehehe

At that point, the copywriter quit smoking.

Agency arranged for more activation events. They made the hero fight...
kidnappers
bankrobbers
and
cellphone snatchers

All of which was covered by media.

But after all that, the hero's popularity rating began to dip.

So, they made him go after the NPA, the Abu Sayyaf, and even Tim Yap. There was a slight spike in his rating, but it began to dip again.

What was wrong with their campaign?

While chewing on a lollipop stick, the copywriter blurts out: EH KUNG BIGYAN NATIN SIYA NG KALABAN!

An arch enemy! An adversary! A competitor!

So they doodle and sketch and cast and get approval from client for a super-villain with heat vision, super breath, and sparklingly white teeth.

Activation was set to coincide with the EDSA celebration.

According to the script (which the copywriter made sure had not been changed) the villain will attack the hero during the ribbon cutting ceremony of the new fly-over.

According to the script, the villain will hit the hero ten times; after which the hero will recover and defeat the villain in front of the cameras.

And after getting hit ten times, the hero gets hit ten more times. 20! 30! A hundred times more!

That's not in the script! Yells the copywriter!

AE looks up from the Contact Report and says, That's not in the Contact Report!

What they didn't know was the guy they cast for the role of the villain was the fall-back talent for the hero and he really, really wanted that role and was really, really mad that he didn't get it.

And in front of the cameras and the entire Filipino nation, the villain kills the hero with his heat vision, rips off the logo from the hero's chest and puts it on his chest.

At which point the entire crowd on EDSA starts to rally against the villain. The villain --disappointed that his adoring public does not like him-- flies away and becomes a governor somewhere in the province.

In the weeks that followed, media bombards us with images of the fallen Katipan and that's when the hero's popularity rating begins to skyrocket.

The copywriter throws away his lollipop and says "Well, there you go-- the campaign is a success."

A new creative brief comes in, a new job order, and the team goes back to brainstorm.

It is 2:44 in the morning.

The art director and the copywriter have gotten all too familiar with the four corners of that little room.

The copywriter takes a long, slow drag from his cigarette and finally says: EH KUNG GUMAWA TAYO NG BABAE NA SUPER HERO?

THE END

There's all this attention on the Philippines now because of the pull-out of Pilipino troops from Iraq. I, for one, am for the evacuation of these troops. Now, most of the international comunity may boo me for this, saying we're setting a precedent for terrorists to just go on doing what they want, but they really don't know the situation. They're outsiders who think they know what's best for everyone else.

Forgive me for being selfish, but the last thing the Philippines needs right now is to meddle in the affairs of other countries. In such a fucked up country (sorry for the expletive), we need to clean up our own backyard first. Fix things here before we go gallivanting off to help others.

And President Arroyo really has no choice in the matter. The deployment of troops to Iraq was not supported by most Pilipinos in the first place. If she didn't order the pull-out, sho would lose the support of most Pinoys.

And to Jay Leno... let's see you make jokes if your head was on the chopping block.

NAAALALA MO PA BA ANG PANAHON NA...

1. Pogi ka kung kasama sa porma mo ang Sperry Topsiders, K-Swiss, Espadrilles (na pinilahan mo pa sa Whistle Stop o sa Cash and Carry), Tretorn or Dragonfly sneakers, white Spartan sneakers, argyle socks, woven leather belts, Chaser, Lacoste, Ralph Lauren at iba pa,one-size-fits- all Hanes T-shirt with the print of your favorite New Wave band, pabangong Chaps, Bowling Green, Gray Flannel or Kouros, Denman brushes, Dippity Do or Dep hair gel, Bermuda shorts worn with plaid long- sleeves.

2. Macho ka kung ang porma mo ay parang kay Don Johnson ng Miami Vice at kung naglalaro ka ng football o nag-aaral ka ng tae kwon do or marunong mag butterfly kick tulad ni Ralph Macchio sa Karate Kid. Sobrang macho ka kung may pandesal ka sa tiyan habang nakasuot ng hanging shirt.

3. Pretty ka kung meron kang pencil-cut skirt (calf-length, three to four inches above the ankle), pabangong Nenuco o De Ne Nes, permed hair a la Madonna or teased bangs na pinatigas ng Aquanet, shoulder pads ala Joan Collins a.k.a. Alexis Carrington in Dynasty), Benetton shirt, Esprit outfit at namimili ka ng gamit sa Sari-Sari, Tokyo, Hannah, Tickles and Regina's in Shoppesville.

4. In na in ka kung napuntahan mo ang mga concerts nina Mike Francis, Swing Out Sisters, Menudo, Earth, Wind and Fire, James Ingram, Genesis noong unang punta pa lang nila dito sa Pilipinas.

5. Sosyal ka kung malimit ka sa Jazz Rhythms, Rhythm & Booze at kumakain ka sa Cafe Ysabel, Bistro Burgos, Dean Street Cafe, Angelino's and East St. Lois, Cosmo and Kudo's at nag-babakasyon ka sa Matabungkay Beach Club o Baguio Country Club.

6. Wala pang videoke kundi karaoke.

7. Ang preso lang may tattoo.

8. Akala mo'y magkakatuluyan sina Ate Shena at Kuya Bodjie sa Batibot.

9. Ang intindi mo ng LOL ay ULOL imbes na Laughing Out Loud.

10. Na-tsismis na bulati ang beef patty ng Jollibee.

11. Kinilig ka nang malaman mong ikakasal si Pops at si Martin.

12. Piso lang ang isang basong taho at kailangan mong magdala ng sarili mong baso kasi wala pang plastic cups no'n si manong magtataho.

13. Lechon Manok pa ang pinag lilihihan ng taumbayan.

14. Tarzan, Jojo, Bazooka Joe, Clover bits at Tootsie Roll ang pinagkakagastusan mo ng mga beintesinko mo.

15. Nagkakakalyo ka dahil typewriter pa ang ginagamit mo para sa mga school paper mo...kaya bentang-benta pa ang carbon paper at liquid paper.

16. Sa Ortigas Center ka tinuturuang magmaneho kasi puro talahib pa yon no'n.

17. Cool ang bumati sa iyong crush sa FM radio.

18. May mascot pa ang 99.5 RT na binebenta sa Gift Gate. Si Artie ang pangalan.

19. Baduy pa noon si Lea Salonga dahil sa That's Entertainment.

20. Iniisip mong dapat mag-retire na si Jaworski dahil kuwarenta na siya.

21. Egoy na egoy pa si Michael Jackson.

22. Si Harry Gasser ang newscaster ng bayan.

23. Kay Amado Pineda ka lang naniniwala pag ukol sa panahon ang balita.

24. Sintonado pa ang Eraserheads habang nag-ja-jamming sa Club Dredd.

25. Tinuruan kang mag-toning ng iyong nanay dahil kay Johnny Midnite.

26. Naglalagay ka ng pyramid sa tabi ng iyong unan para good vibes.

27. Nilalagyan mo ng watch-guard ang iyong Swatch.

28. Herbert Bautista was a campus politician.

29. P18 to $1 ang palitan sa black market.

30. May black market pa noon.

31. Illegal pa ang mga paputok.

32. Ang paborito mong tsokolate ay Chocnut at Mallows.

33. Drag race sa Greenhills at Corinthians.

34. Kumain sa Burger machine o sa Goodah! ng madaling araw.

Finally got my copy of COLORS MAGAZINE, a Europe-based publication in which one of my illustrations was used. This is my first published work outside the Philippines and needless to say, I'm very excited. It turned out really great! If you wanna see the illustration, click here. It's a quarterly magazine, and their topic for this particular issue is ENERGY, so I guess the drawing fits the topic somewhat.

Thanks to their Philippine correspondent, Brian Tenorio. Hope we can do it again sometime. hint hint. he he.

Was too late to get much of the comics during FREE COMIC BOOK DAY. I got mostly independent publishers, but the one I really liked was JOHNNY RAYGUN. Really funny. Got TEEN TITANS GO and MARVEL AGE: SPIDER-MAN for my two nephews, and got the Image Summer thingie. If it wasn't for INVINCIBLE being featured, I wouldn't have picked it up.

Also got a few local comics, like BAYLANS ( though I haven't gotten to reead it yet) and MONOCHROME FIESTA. Fiesta was a nice read, if you don't let the art bother you much.

Also ran into Azrael in front of Filbars. Nice meeting you, man!

Well, it didn't happen.

Due to typhoon Igme raging and howling yesterday, Kuki and i decided not to watch Spider-Man 2, thinking it would be best just to go home to our lovely daughter Jade. And it's a good thing that we did! When we got home, we realized that it was Jade's 8 month birthday! We wouldn't trade a few hours of playing with her for about 2 hours watching Spider-Man. Hey, we can always catch he movie some other time.

Well... I went to the recent ToyCon at Megamall last Sunday with my nephew, Jappy. He bought some Hot Wheels for himself, while I dug throught the bargain boxes of old comics. Didn't get any toys, though. Anyway, nice to see some old friends and acquaintances, like Ariel, Gerry, Jonas, Syeri, Stanley, Joanah, Jon... and some new ones like Lyndon and Ryan. Got to see the famous Johnny Danganan in person (at least, famous to the komikeros), though I didn't get the chance to introduce myself. Ha ha. I also got the Kenkoy compilation, which was really great. If anything else, it's a nice humorous glimpse of what life was like during the 1920s. Kudos to Mr. Dennis Villegas for making that project possible.

Now, maybe i can still catch Spider-Man this weekend...

Today is the first day of the theatrical showing of SPIDER-MAN 2. I hope Kuki and I can get tickets tonight at the Power Plant. As I understand it, we have to go there and look for this guy who has two free tickets waiting for us. Geez. Very covert ops. We don't even know what he looks like. Maybe there's a secret handshake or something.

Or if that doesn't push through, we can always watch VOLTA. he he.

In other news... I'm currently updating the look of my website, making it more "eye-catching," so to speak. One of the comments always get is that it's too simple. I hope this re-design is more pleasing. Head on over to CAPSULEZONE. I hope you like what you see. It's a work in progress, so there are still be some bugs and some pages that haven't been updated yet.

That's it for me in the meantime. Gotta get back to work before my boss sees me blogging...

After two weeks of on and off working/sleeping/living in the office, I am dog-tired. Come to think of it, are dogs really that tired? They don't do anything all day except eat and sleep. Anyway... I'm at the office now and am really not in the mood to work. I'm like a zombie... just doing whatever work comes my way... not thinking too creatively. And in advertising, that's a bad thing. i hope i get out of this rut soon. Even my first love, drawing comics, has been put on the back burner. And I'm waaaayyy behind a deadline for the upcoming SIGLO volume two. Sorry Dean! I hope to finish that one last page this week. I DO love this gig... and am glad to have been given an opportunity to co-draw a story with one of my idols, Lan Medina. Mr. Medina, any chance of you signing my complete collection of "Night Shift" from KILABOT Komiks? He he.

Well, at least that momentarily provided me with a bit of enthusiasm.

Geez. The only thing I'm in the mood for nowadays is working out. Kinda weird, huh? I'm dog-tired, but I'm looking forward to getting (physically) tired.

Babies. Babies tend to fall asleep while drinking milk from the bottle. Now imagine if that happened to adults. You're out with friends, enjoying a nice dinner get-together, then suddenly in the middle of your meal you pass out, your face drops down on your half-finished plate of pasta or whatever. What if it happened to everyone in the restaurant? Sheesh. Just something I was thinking about lately.

Okay, you can go back to whatever you're doing now.

So much time has gone by since I last blogged. i don't know... I just don't have the drive to express my thoughts that much anymore. And now I'm blogging for one simple reason... to plug my indie comic book MASKARADO. A preview issue (or #0 if you will) is already available at Comic Quest Megamall (thanks heaps, Vin Simbulan ). The copies have been there since last week, and I do hope it's selling quite reasonably. Anyone who's interested, get your copy for only 20 pesos! Though I have to make an announcement that issue #1 is coming out by the end of February, and it's gonna be 50 pesos a copy. I hope that doesn't turn off those who bought the #0 issue.

Thanks to Gerry Alanguilan , Budjette Tan , Jonas Diego and all the other people who bought a copy. You guys make it worthwhile to do this stuff. And also to my good friend Ariel Atienza for all the support he's been giving me.

"Til next time (I wonder when that will be?)....